December 30, 2010
[INT – NIGHT – NATHAN’S HOUSE]
(Chris sits typing at Nathan’s computer waiting for Nathan to come back into the room. They have just shot their first new sketch for the year, even if it’s two days early. It is a singular sketch about a picture frame. Nathan enters the room.)
NATHAN (sing-song voice): Patsy!
(Patsy is the cat.)
NATHAN: The words sing-song don’t go in any description of me.
CHRIS: Are you kidding? They go in all descriptions of you.
(Nathan continues to put away movie making stuff, humming Menmei’s “Stagefright.”)
NATHAN: Hmm. Maybe you’re right.
CHRIS: So Nathan, we have some big plans for 2011.
NATHAN: You ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie.
(Chris whistles “Dixie” because he can’t whistle in real life, so why not do it here?)
CHRIS: Anything you want to tell the folks about?
NATHAN: By this time next year, I want to be laughing out of the other side of my face and not because I’ve gone crazy.
CHRIS: Then why?
NATHAN: Because I want to have all of my goals 100% complete.
CHRIS: Can you look at yourself in the mirror and not feel shame and guilt?
NATHAN: Yes.
CHRIS: Then you’ve done well… better than me.
NATHAN: Haha. Now will you stop telling me what I’m saying, so I can continue?
CHRIS: Sure.
(Nathan continues.)
NATHAN: What I was going to say is that I will be laughing because I just told you a funny joke in flawless Japanese. I won’t repeat the joke at this moment because I haven’t learned Japanese yet. We are talking about the future, and since one of my goals is to learn Japanese…
CHRIS: We need a sponsorship from Rosetta Stone so we can do a shameless plug?
NATHAN: Maybe you should have got the money first before you said that. As I was saying… I will know how to speak Japanese by this time next year.
CHRIS: Domo Ari Gato for sharing that.
(Which I think in that spelling means he just thanked the cat. Take Two.)
CHRIS: Domo Arigato for sharing that.
NATHAN: What did you say?
(Chris sips his Dr. Pepper.)
NATHAN: He really did.
CHRIS: One thing that I’m excited about that Nathan surely isn’t is that we will be doing a full year of the daily blog this year.
(Nathan rolls eyes in a way that almost sounds like he mutters the word, “Whoopee.”)
CHRIS: We will be starting a new feature on Saturday, which is a script we started writing for the show a few years back that quickly became too complicated for us to shoot. We will be running it as a serial here on the blog.
NATHAN: Great! Now if I back out I look like a douche bag.
CHRIS: Mmm hmmm.
(Nathan rolls his eyes and it sounds like a yawn?)
CHRIS: Anything else you’d like to talk about?
NATHAN: Yes, I’d like to ask everyone to bookmark our daily blog or follow us on Blogger, so they don’t forget us. No. No.
CHRIS: What?! That’s what you…
NATHAN: I’m talking to the cat.
CHRIS: Anything she’d like to say?
PATSY: Meow.
CHRIS: Well that seems a good place to start wrapping up. We have a lot of plans for the new year, so check back often and see what we got ourselves up to.
NATHAN: One final thing is that we would like you to check in occasionally, or subscribe if you’re so inclined, to our You Tube Channel where we will be randomly posting new sketches all year long, including the elusive Season Two.
(Suddenly the room is filled with crudely drawn cartoon characters, and the all laugh like what Nathan said was a funny bit at the end of the episode after all the action is over. They all jump in the air and freeze frame. Nathan is still on the ground looking around at all the characters frozen in the air with Chris.)
NATHAN: Well, I was serious, but whatever.
(Scene fades…)
NATHAN: I don’t get the bit about the cartoon characters…