Things I wish existed #1

Wow! My first ever blog post and it’s a topic I stole from someone else’s blog. Or, maybe not. After all, that guy’s blog was about stuff HE wanted. Mine is completely different as it’s all about ME. Anyway, on with my stupid wish…

Things I wish existed #1: A 24-hour movie theater.

You see, I’m one of those poor souls who, for my own reasons, has chosen to work the dreaded graveyard shift. The great thing about being a creature of the night is that very few others are out during these hours. This makes trips to Walmart a pleasure (well, as close to a pleasure as a trip to Walmart to buy soap, deodorant, and personal lubricant can be) because most of the unwashed masses, baby mamas, and participants in the “Jabbba The Hutt On An Electric Scooter” lookalike contest are at home sleping off their suppers of McNuggets and beer; leaving the store more populated with employees than with customers.

The bad thing about being a nocturnal beast is that very few others are out during these hours, which means that places which depend upon having butts in the seats (like theaters, restaurants, amusement parks, etc.) aren’t open when there is a minimum number of butts up and walking around, looking for a place to sit. As such, my options for occupying my time at 3:00 AM are pretty much limited to pissing away said time online, watching crap TV, or going to Walmart.

Surely, there are enough 3rd shifters and insomniacs in the DFW metroplex to justify at least a couple of all-night theaters (don’t put them all in Dallas, please). Then, I’d have a chance to see all of the latest “PG-13” and “R” rated blockbusters (more about why I can’t do this now to be posted in a future blog if I get around to it). Because the theaters would be less crowded, some of their screens could also be devoted to showing the indie stuff, foreign films, and pretentious art house crap that people like me like to shrug at on our way to see “Explodinator IV: Revenge of the Dynamite”.