Flash Ahhhh!: Episode Eighteen – Stacked to the Rafters

by the According To Whim .com crew

(Part One by Nathan Stout)


(Quincy dashes into one of the large yellow rafts after hitting the button to launch. Shag is behind Dentre with Nathan huffing in the rear. They each jump into the moving raft as the big belt thing moves it into the swift, dangerous, and extremely cold water.)

SHAG: You’ve had it, Quincy.

QUINCY: I have only one thing to say to you… you’re a fashion has-been, Shag.

(Shag clutches his chest and collapses into one of the seats that line the round raft. His ego is so struck… something that no one has ever dared to do, so that Shag is rendered unconscious.)

DENTRE: You heartless fiend.

QUINCY: Someone had to tell him.

NATHAN: Where is Miguel? You said you had him.

(Everyone dips as the raft takes a short slide down into rapids, the freezing spray momentarily paralyzing everyone with its sharpness.)

QUINCY: You want that stinking fool?

(Quincy points out to the center of the ride. Suspended above the water further down the river, Miguel struggles in his rope harness. Quincy drops the melodramatic talk and leans in a bit towards Nathan and Dentre.)

QUINCY: No, he really does stink something awful.

(Everyone nods, showing their belief in what Quincy said. Even the unconscious Shag nods… or it might have been just some bumps in the ride.)

DENTRE: Hey, why couldn’t you just read his mind?

NATHAN: I don’t know. I can’t read anyone’s at the moment. It was working fine a minute ago.

QUINCY: What are you talking about over theeeeeeeerrrreeeeee!

DENTRE: Eeeeeeeee!

NATHAN: Ooooooooo!

(The raft takes a steep dip, and continues on down the river, Miguel’s struggling form getting closer.)

DENTRE: Give up, Quincy. The professor and Paul’s plans won’t work; they can’t work. Right, Nathan?

NATHAN: I don’t give a flying crap. You have a lot to answer for Quincy! You destroyed the first real retail business I owned! I’m gonna knock your block off.

QUINCY: I doubt it.

(Quincy points to further up stream to the tall banks where the professor sits in his wheelchair pointing a super power disrupting ray at the raft.)

NATHAN: The professor!

DENTRE: Behind you! Uh, me, uh, us. What?!

(Dentre is confused for a moment then realizes it was Miguel using his power to warn them. They both turn to see Quincy’s thugs on the opposite side of the river from the professor.)

PROFESSOR: I thought you would all just walk away, but no, you had to be heroes.

DENTRE: The movie star…


(In one swift moment, Chris zips up behind the Professor.)

CHRIS: The Professor and….

(Nathan points skyward to the RE/MAX balloon that had moved back over the River Rapids via Dentre’s remote.)

NATHAN: MaryAnn!

(Chris pushes the Professor off the ledge as Dentre hits a button and some small bombs drop off the basket of the balloon. They hit the ride near the thugs, and blast a huge hole in the river’s wall. The water begins rushing out with the raft picking up speed. Shag jumps up, fully awake).

NATHAN: Of course! Shag has powers too. The power of cliché?

SHAG: Hang on, we’re going in!

(The raft picks up even more speed as it heads down towards the blasted out wall. Chris backs up, and then speeds forward, jumping across the river and grabbing Miguel on the way across. Chris lands on the raft. Miguel flies out of his arms, and smacks his head on one of the seats, out cold.)

DENTRE: Looks like the tables have turned, Quincy.

NATHAN: The raft, actually.

(End of Part One)

(Part Two by Chris McGinty)


NATHAN: And a mystery wrapped INT a conundrum.

(Things are pretty wild here on…)

CHORUS: Flash Ahhhh!

(Quincy the Glassbreaker in a raft in the Roaring Rapid ride in Six Flags, and he is being faced off by not one, but two, not two, but three, not three…)

NATHAN: There are four of us. Five, if you count the unconscious Miguel.

(Um, who’s getting paid to set the scene?)

DENTRE: As I was saying, the tables, in this case represented by a raft, have turned, Quincy.

CHRIS: No Dentre, you are mistaken. Quincy has a Plan B escape plan that you didn’t see coming and that will throw us all into peril.

(Chris laughs maniacally.)

DENTRE: Are you working for Quincy!?

CHRIS: No. Just wanted to steal his thunder.

DENTRE: Then how did you know about his escape plan?

CHRIS: I don’t. I’m presuming he has one.

(Chris, Dentre, Nathan, and Shag all look at Quincy inquisitively.)

QUINCY: Well, actually now that you mention it.


(A newscaster who looks an awful lot like Nathan wearing glasses and a white button up shirt addresses the audience.)

GREENLY: I’m Greenly Meadows. We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you some exposition that may or may not be important to characters currently romping around Six Flags. It seems that…


(A newscaster who looks an awful lot like Chris with his hair in a ponytail, wearing glasses, and some sort of gray jacket addresses the audience.)

LEWIS: I’m Lewis Cannon. We interrupt this interruption to your regularly scheduled program to bring you breaking news about something going on with some sort of celebrity or member of the royal family that may or may not involve jail or a wedding. We can’t be too specific at this moment as it may date this story too much. Back to you, Greenly.]


GREENLY: … if they don’t stop it will be awful for everyone involved. And now back to our program.


(Nathan and Chris are crouched behind the Batmobile. Miguel is there, but it’s not very likely that he’s important right now.)

NATHAN: Wow, Quincy’s Plan B escape plan was admittedly pretty amazing.

CHRIS: Especially the part where he had that Goldfish brand cracker in the brim of the hat he put on. I’ll be wondering what that meant for years to come.

NATHAN: I just want to know how it is that Quincy has so many thugs…

CHRIS: At least a dozen of which are still after us, so keep your voice down.

NATHAN: Point taken. But seriously, how does he have so many thugs, and here we are with two useless real estate agents and an unconscious Miguel? I mean, if it wasn’t for those chicks in the gold pant suits from Century 21 showing up with machine guns during Quincy’s escape, I’m pretty sure we’d be nothing but a memory; a twinkle in Shag’s disco ball.

CHRIS: Chicks?

NATHAN: Listen; don’t give me any of your sensitivity training mumbo jumbo. Those chicks were hot. Where have you been by the way?

CHRIS: I’ve been at work. I’m working a ton of hours lately. Didn’t I tell you that at the writers meeting?


CHRIS: Then why did we have the meeting?

NATHAN: Cos rather than finding out what was going on at Six Flags we were treated to “Dorothy and the Security Guard of Ahhhhs!”

CHRIS: Oh, so now you’re going to get onto me because I accidentally inserted my guard report into the story? The thanks I get. Why did I think it was a good idea to come back?

NATHAN: How did you get back here anyway?

CHRIS: Muffy, the one you had shot…

(Random gunfire can be heard as if accentuating Chris’s accusatory statement.)

NATHAN: I did not!

CHRIS: Her friends brought me. Then they went to some bar to drink a toast to Muffy and Fluffy.

NATHAN: There are no bars around here… oh wait, it’s not like I’d know anyway.

CHRIS: It’s called Bar of Stars or Bar Stool or Full of Stool or something like that.

NATHAN: Oh, what do they serve there?

CHRIS: Mostly lemons.

(End Episode Eighteen)

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