Maybe It’s COLD Feet [rimshot]

by Chris McGinty

The number one reason that I get
sidetracked in the obtainationing (real word, just trust me, don’t worry about
looking it up) of my goals is easily my need to maintain a 40+ hour a week job.
The number two reason is easily the fact that I’ll get distracted from the
schedule that I set for myself, because I’m the type of person who likes to get
out and experience life.

Today, I want to deal with the
number three reason, that doesn’t come up as often, but is easily the one I
hate the most. Yes, I hate it even more than my dead end job. It seems like
every time I feel myself getting focused, motivated, and ready to go; it’s
about that time that I’ll also feel some sort of common cold symptom creeping
in. I’ll do everything I possibly can to not get sick, but for the next three
days I can’t get anything done because I feel like crap.
I’m not a smart person, and I
don’t even play one on TV. I suspect that I know what it’s like to be smart
though. The reason I hate being sick is because I’m used to my brain constantly
going in all sorts of crazy, unfocused, largely unhelpful directions. It may
not be good when I’m trying to finish long projects, but at least it’s an
active brain. When I get sick, I don’t just feel weak of body, but also weak of
mind. I can’t seem to reason as well. There is no such thing as going off
routine to try something new or expand my knowledge. I just take up space
looking like an extra from “The Walking Dead.” The jump from common cold brain
to normal brain is what I suspect it would be like to wake up one day with
about 100 more IQ points. I realize that last sentence suggests I already have
100 IQ points to add the new 100 IQ points to, but if you saw this sentence
before I edited it, you would probably doubt that I do.
My point is that while I’m never
super thrilled about going to work, and I probably shouldn’t go hang out and play
board games so often, for the most part I’m ok with those distractions. I would
like my body to stop with the common cold nonsense though. I’m thinking I
should only be sick once a year for about 17 and a half hours, and then let me
be at the top of my presumed three-digit IQ game the rest of the time.
And for the love of all that’s
time-managabitatable (as real as the other word, don’t worry about looking it
up) please don’t make my one time a year for getting sick happen right when I’m
feeling super motivated. Thanks in advance, body.
Chris McGinty is a… blah… grrrr.
I’m going back to bed.

1 thought on “Maybe It’s COLD Feet [rimshot]

  1. When you first feel the crud, go buy some Coldease Lozenges and Zicam Nose Swabs. Keep up with it as directed for the first 3 days. Both boxes claim that clinical trials prove it cuts a cold in half, so by logic you should be fine in 1/4 of the time! Logic…

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