A “What If…” Question about Reading Minds

by He Who Smelt It of AccordingToWhim.com

I did a review about an app called “What If…” (Google Play link) and at some point I quipped that you would
end up talking about farting soon enough. This question is why I said that:

What if…
you can read people’s thoughts.
you fart continuously for as long
as you do it.
Yes or No?
I said yes to this one. I was in
the minority on this, but not by much. 42% of the people who answered said yes.
Still people seem a bit adverse to this power.
Maybe they would just be too
embarrassed by the incessant farting. Maybe they just smell really bad. Maybe
they’re afraid that someone would figure out the correlation between them
having really bad gas and winning at poker. Who knows?
Here’s what I thi…
Maybe they just feel it’s immoral
to invade other people’s thought… nah.
The power of The Spleen and the ability to read minds too? Sign me up!
One of the problems with mind
reading as we see it in the movies is that the person with the power can’t seem
to shut the power off. The phrasing of this question suggests that you can shut
the power off. This is appealing. It means that you choose when to use the
You could use the power for good
by catching and convicting the true criminals. You could help find missing
children. You could help convict ex-football players who murder their ex-wife
(unless they already have double jeopardy on their side because a jury
sidestepped justice to avoid a possible riot). You could gather information to
prevent terrorist attacks without insane torture tactics. You could hang out
with those “Leaving Neverland” guys and figure out once and for all whether or
not to burn

your “Thriller” CD.

What if you think of a great
question -but- it’s a brain fart?

If you’re still worried about the
morality of it all, you just have to promise yourself to never use the power on
friends and loved ones, unless you’re providing the air freshener.
Never use the power in church,
because you’ll be sitting in your own pew… I was with my second wife for eight
years, and, aside from our children, that joke she told me is the only thing
worth talking about.
And really, we haven’t talked
about range. If you can sit in your car and read minds then you’re good as long
as long as a cop doesn’t ask you to roll down your window. And really, if you’re
just sitting in your car minding your own business, and the business of whoever’s
mind you’re violating, maybe that cop deserves a whiff.
Chris McGinty is a blogger who
can feel ok about accepting this power as his farts smell like potpourri. With
great power comes Country Fresh flatulence.

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