Flash Ahhhh!: Episode Nineteen – Destroy All Artifacts. They Can’t Be Regenerated.

(Part One by Nathan Stout)


(Nathan and Chris are crouched behind the Batmobile with the lump known as Miguel still unconscious, neatly wrapped in rope.)

CHRIS: I didn’t see where Shag and Dentre went.

(More random gunfire can be heard.)

NATHAN: I think those chicks in the gold pant suits from Century 21 are holding Quincy’s thugs at bay.

CHRIS: We need to split. The cops should be showing up any moment now, and somehow I always seem to be around (but innocent, mind you) when people are getting busted.

NATHAN: It’s the hair. They harass you because of the hair.

(Chris flicks his hair back.)

CHRIS: Don’t hate me cos I’m beautiful.

(A thug runs by holding a gun.)

NATHAN: Let’s get!

(The two grab Miguel and run. After a few moments they spot another thug.)

CHRIS: Quick over here.

(Chris leads them inside the building for the Mini Mine Train. They hide behind the train and peer out at the people running by.)

NATHAN: Look out!

(A thug jumps them, and Nathan’s power only just saves Chris from a crack in the skull with the butt of a pistol. The thug wrestles with Chris while Nathan hauls Miguel out of danger, laying him over the front of one of the rollercoaster cars… you know where this is going don’t you?)

CHRIS: Help!

(Nathan rushes forward slamming into both of them, and they all three fall into the controls. The rollercoaster starts moving forward.)

NATHAN: Miguel!

(Nathan, not wanting to leave either party, grabs hold of Chris and his current love/hate interest, and rolls them all onto the rollercoaster. It begins its ascent as Chris and the thug battle it out).

CHRIS: Look out for Miguel!

(The coaster train starts moving fast. Miguel rolls across the top of the train that is behind the one everyone else is in. Nathan reaches out and grabs Miguel’s shoe just as the train cuts around a corner. The centrifugal force spins Miguel around like a top, and Nathan is suddenly grasping Miguel’s chin. Chris is wrestling with the thug when the coaster makes a dip.)


(The coaster goes through a tunnel, and Chris, along with the thug, ducks. A short turn; and the coaster goes across several little hills in quick succession. Miguel’s wrapped body starts bouncing up and down, as Nathan scrambles to hold him down, leaning from one of the coaster’s trains to another.)

NATHAN: Use your speed to punch him, or something.

CHRIS: Excellent!

(Chris starts punching the thug so fast his arm’s a blur. The thug collapses into a seat. The train comes back into the station and stops, as most rollercoasters do, with a hard jerk from five miles an hour to zero. Nathan exhales, but when the coaster jerks Miguel slides forward and slams into the platform.)

CHRIS: How did you think of that?

NATHAN: I didn’t. The thug did. He was wondering if you could do that.

(Chris pats the unconscious thug on the head.)

CHRIS: Thanks.

(Chris hits the launch button, and the coaster rolls off on another round.)

NATHAN: Let’s go! I’m tired of all this.

CHRIS: What about Quincy? Don’t you want revenge?

NATHAN: There are people with guns running about this place. My interest seems to have taken a vacation.

(The two pick up the unconscious Miguel and start off again.)

CHRIS: So what has been going on?

NATHAN: What do you mean? You should know, you just showed up out of nowhere just in the nick of time. How would you know to show up here without having the tiniest inkling of what’s going on?

(End of Part One)

(Part Two by Chris McGinty)

CHRIS: I mean, how are you getting along with your new partners, Shag and Dentre?

NATHAN: What do you…

CHRIS: Nevermind that now. There’s an ambulance. We need to get Miguel to it.

(They move off toward the ambulance. Nathan’s face is contorted like he has something to say, but he holds his tongue. Finally, with Miguel safely tucked away in the presence of health care providers, Nathan turns on Chris.)

NATHAN: What’s this about my new partners?

CHRIS: Listen, I only came to bail you all out of the danger you got yourself in because I’d already asked off for a few hours for you writers meeting. I’ve got to get back to work. My paycheck is already going to be small because of this nonsense?

NATHAN: Since when did you prioritize work over things like shooting a public access show, playing in a band, starting speculative businesses with me, or running around as clueless superheroes?

CHRIS: Listen, maybe I’ve just realized some things over the last so many days. Now if you don’t mind, I have to be to work at 11:00. I’m late.

NATHAN: You have super speed and fifteen minutes before 11:00. You won’t be late.

CHRIS: A serious security guard is fifteen minutes early. If you were a responsible citizen, you would realize that.

(Chris zips off in an instant, leaving Nathan hopelessly confused.)

SHAG: Hey, hey! There’s our groovy man.

(Nathan winces.)

DENTRE: All those chicks in the gold pant suits from Century 21 seem to have run off Quincy and all his thugs. We have time to go back to the office, get ready to face Quincy if he returns, and maybe sell a few houses by the end of the day.

NATHAN: Lovely. I can’t wait.

DENTRE: Where are your friends?

NATHAN: I don’t seem to have friends.

DENTRE: Yeah, it’s the same in real estate sales. Well, let’s get back…

(Dentre’s words are cut off by the feedback from nearby amps. It’s so loud that all the people who were hiding in the concert area during the heavy gunfire come rushing out. One of them is dressed like a hip hop artist. Like everyone else, his hands are over his ears, and the noise levels are throwing off his equilibrium. He stumbles into Shag. By this point Nathan, Shag, and Dentre are also being overtaken by the noise, and fall to the ground. Finally the sound starts to dissipate.)

QUINCY (over the speakers): Best sound guy in the industry, my ass.

(Shag raises his head. He reaches over and gets the hip hop artist’s attention.)

SHAG: Will Smif. It’s me, Shag. What happened in there?

WILL SMIF: While all the shooting was going on, some thugs came in there and started hooking something up to the sound system. They had guns. We couldn’t stop them. I’m not gangsta, Shag. I make music for all ages.

SHAG: I know, my man.

QUINCY (over the speakers): I’m sure you all thought you defeated me, but what kind of a villain would I be to have a Plan B escape plan, and not have an actual objective that’s being disguised by what seemed to be my actual reign of terror?

NATHAN: The kind who would waste all of his masterminding skills on an obsession with breaking glass in my shop.

QUINCY (over the speakers): I would be the kind who would waste all of his masterminding skills on an obsession with breaking glass in Nathan’s shop. But I’m a villain to be feared, and thanks to the professor, I am about to show you how fearful you should be. Oh, and you should cover your ears.

(Everyone covers their ears just as a very high pitched sound is fed through the amplifiers. Nathan manages to stay conscious long enough to see the devastation spread over the park. Everything glass in the park (concession windows, streetlights, decorative signs) starts shattering. It’s all a terrible mess, and as the amplifiers are turned up louder and louder, all the windows in all the cars in the parking lot shatter as well. Nathan wants to get up and take Quincy out once and for all, but the noise finally overtakes him, and he passes out.)


CHRIS: Nathan, wake up.

DENTRE (sobbing): Not Arlington. Not the Arlington market!

CHRIS: Nathan, wake up.

DENTRE (still sobbing): Arlington is where all the good commissions are, Shag.

SHAG: I know, my man.

DENTRE (sobbing, and it sounds like slobbering): The widespread devastation will kill this market.

CHRIS: Nathan, wake up!

(Chris slaps Nathan on the face, and he finally comes too. He looks around and realizes that the dialogue he’s been hearing, through a terrible ringing in his ears, is real.)

NATHAN: Quincy…

CHRIS: I know. Listen Nathan, we have to go.

NATHAN: I thought you had to go to work.

CHRIS: I’m still fighting that compulsion, but I think I know what happened. That security alarm that Angelina was installing at the shop, I thought it was just to neutralize your power. It never occurred to me that it might serve another purpose.

NATHAN: To brainwash you?

CHRIS: I think they meant to get me so wrapped up in job responsibility that I would see no choice but to join some branch of the US military. But when the shop was attacked it stopped the process too early. I decided instead to get a job where I could tell everyone about military service that I never served.

NATHAN: A security guard, of course.

CHRIS: But it’s not been taking entirely. I don’t talk people’s ears off about my time in the army or anything. I just hang out. It’s a vital skill for any security guard, and I probably would have been fired by now, but no one else is willing to guard the yellow brick detour. Something about the trees throwing apples.

NATHAN: But you’re here now. Why?

CHRIS: I got a call from Skippy. Six Flags was just a means to the end of getting Will Smif’s amplification equipment. Quincy had another target in mind.

NATHAN: The According To Whim Headquarters! The building that houses Takanakakaka has an exterior that is almost entirely windows.

CHRIS: It was something you said before about our speculative businesses. I realized that no matter how much Angelina’s machine might be compelling me to go guard my post, I can’t let Quincy destroy another one of your businesses. I brought my Daytona, which I parked on the outside of all the shattered glass from Quincy’s earlier attack. We need to get to the car, and then stop Quincy’s run on HQ.

NATHAN: What about Shag and Dentre?

CHRIS: They’re going to be useless for a while. This was a pretty good real estate area. We’re going to have to do this on our own.

NATHAN: Alright, let’s get to your Daytona and go get that bastard, Quincy, before he does any more damage.

CHRIS: Then that is what we shall do!

NATHAN: Let’s get!

CHRIS: Eh, close enough.

(End Episode Nineteen)

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