Flash Ahhhh!: Episode Thirty-Five – A Plane and Ordinary Episode Title

(by the AccordingToWhim crew)

(Part One by Nathan Stout)


(COBALT Driver decides to drive on. He has a job to do, and he isn’t one of the Professor’s or Quincy’s flighty goons. He just ignores the Governator’s threats and the hits to the van.)


CHRIS: I don’t believe it.

DENTRE: Who are these guys?

SHAG: Our organizations have never heard of them.

CHRIS: We don’t know jack so it’s safe to say we have never heard of them.

NATHAN: Sounds like some sort of top secret government agency.

SHAG: But hey man, they were obviously not in cahoots with the Professor, and he works for the government.

CHRIS: I’m sure some government agencies don’t get along. We have all seen TV and movies… come on!

MIGUEL: I’m totally lost, so I will just continue to keep my mouth shut.

CHRIS: Good plan.


(Everyone looks out of the van’s front windshield at the rear end of a C-130 transport plane with its cargo hold open.)

CHRIS: Shit just got real.

MIGUEL: We’re not in Kansas anymore.

NATHAN: I’m scared of flying.

COBALT TROOP 1: You won’t be technically. You won’t leave the van.

(Chris looks at the camera.)

CHRIS: I smell some crazy adventures coming up!

(The van hits the ramp and drives up into the plane. Nathan puts his arms out to steady himself.)

NATHAN: I’m seriously freaking out here!

CHRIS: Miguel, you got any more Xanax?

MIGUEL: I’m out.

DENTRE: Here. I have something.

(Nathan looks expectantly at Dentre’s hand. Dentre pulls his hand from his pocket in a balled up fist, and he punches Nathan out cold. Nathan lands on top of the already unconscious Stubby.)

SHAG: What’s that?

(There is some rattling and clanging as the plane’s ramp closes up. The pitch of the plane increases, then there is a sudden jerk, and the plane moves forward.)

CHRIS: Free vacation!

MIGUEL: My wife is going to freak out when she hears I left without telling her.

LARRY: If I’m not home before dark I’m gonna get grounded.

(COBALT Troop 1 turns on a screen where the cockpit is visible. Eric is there standing behind one of the pilots.)

COBALT TROOP 1: We are secure and ready to go sir.

(Chris whispers and points the screen.)

CHRIS: Look!

(One of the people behind one of the pilots turns, and it is clearly Garrett.)

CHRIS: It’s Garrett! He works with Stubby at the casino.

(Chris nudges the unconscious Stubby a little too hard.)

SHAG: What in ten inch platform shoes is that guy’s co-worker doing on this government plane?

DENTRE: I don’t know but he is dangerously close to those controls marked “purge!”

(End of Part One)

(Part Two by Chris McGinty)


CHRIS: I’ve never been on a plane in a van before. This is neat.

(Everyone looks at Chris like he doesn’t know what is going on. Chris looks back at them, disappointed. He slaps Nathan on the face.)

CHRIS: Nathan, wake up.

(Nathan comes to.)

NATHAN: Huh? What’s going on?

CHRIS: Hey Nathan, I’ve never been on a plane in a van before. This is neat.

NATHAN: Yeah it is pretty neat.

(Chris looks at the rest of the group triumphantly. They seem not to care.)

CHRIS: So Dentre, what does that mean that Garrett is by the controls marked “purge?”

DENTRE: Don’t you know?

CHRIS: No. I have no idea what that means.

DENTRE: Well, if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.

CHRIS: Uh-uh. Bullshit. You don’t know either.

DENTRE: Of course I know. Why would I recognize the inherent danger of the situation if I didn’t know what that meant?

CHRIS: I don’t know. Nathan. Why would he recognize the inherent…

NATHAN: I’m sure I don’t know.

CHRIS: You have to know.

NATHAN: I don’t have to nothing.

CHRIS: Here’s what I’m thinking. He operates those controls, and we all become bulimic temporarily.

(Everyone mimics the look they gave Chris before.)

LARRY: You really don’t know what will happen if he operates those controls? Boy, you really are stupid.

CHRIS: Ok, then why don’t you tell me.

LARRY: Call me by my real name.

CHRIS: Ok, then why doesn’t Miguel tell me.


CHRIS: We’re so screwed. I’m not sure how we’re screwed, but we’re screwed. These COBALT guys are a force to be reckoned with. I mean, Nathan shut down the electrical system of that van, and the driver just decided to drive on, like there wasn’t even a problem to solve.

NATHAN: I shut down the electrical system to the van?


NATHAN: I don’t remember that.

SHAG: Hey man, what’s that groovy app you’re using on your iCrap?

NATHAN: It’s a game to help improve your memory and comprehension.

SHAG: Cool. Can I play?

(Nathan hands Shag the iCrap.)

LARRY: I think the driver of the van has a special power that allows him to repair vehicles instantly.

CHRIS: He needs to deliver pizza.

NATHAN: But how would he use his power? There’s a dampening field.

CHRIS: Um. How do you remember there is a dampening field, but not that you shut down the electrical system of the van?

NATHAN: There is always a dampening field.

CHRIS: Fair enough. I’m guessing the dampening field is wired into the van, so when you shut down the electrical system of the van, it shut down the dampening field.

SHAG: Well then. I’ll just shut down the electrical system of the van again, and Larry can use his power.


(Shag uses the app before Nathan can stop him. The electrical system of the van shuts down. Larry tries to use his dream state power to screw everything up, but it doesn’t work.)

LARRY: That didn’t do it.

NATHAN: Thank God! Every time you use that dream state power, things get more screwed up for us. We’re flying in a plane. Who knows what might happen if you use it up here.

COBALT TROOP 2: You guys are so stupid.

COBALT TROOP 1: Sidney, don’t.

COBALT TROOP 2: Quiet, Shawn. I’m tired of listening to these guys prattle on like they know what the hell they’re talking about.

COBALT TROOP 1: Soldier, stand down! We have standing orders from Eric not to give these guys any sort of explanation, and not to engage them in long blathering conversations.

COBALT TROOP 2: Don’t you “soldier” me. The van isn’t running in this confined space, because the carbon-monoxide would kill us. Why the hell do they think we’d be running the dampening field off the van battery? It would kill the battery, and then the dampening field would power down.

CHRIS: Ah, but your driver up there has power over the van. He could simply re-power the battery.

COBALT TROOP 2: Giving your little brother there enough time to use his power.

LARRY: I am not his brother!

SHAG: We’re all brothers in this world, little man. Well except the women. They’re our sisters. You get my drift though.

CHRIS: Well then, hot shot. Since you’re so smart. You tell me how he used his power with a dampening field on.

COBALT DRIVER: Sidney. Shawn is right. Don’t…

COBALT TROOP 2: Because I’m the dampening field you idiot. My power is to create a dampening field. I simply stopped my power long enough for our driver to…

(Chris punches COBALT Troop 2 in the face, and he falls unconscious.)

NATHAN: Larry! Please don’t do anything.

LARRY: I won’t use my power, but we have to do something.

(Nathan and Dentre move quickly and punch COBALT Troop 1 and COBALT Driver out. They drag all the unconscious COBALT goons and drop them by Stubby.)

MIGUEL: Shag, patch a line through to the cockpit.

SHAG: Done and done.

STUBBY: Garrett. I need you to come back here to the van now.

(On the screen, they see Garrett look around in what might either be panic or simply surprise.)

GARRETT (over the radio link): Um, ixnay on the arrett-gay.

NATHAN: He said “gay.”

STUBBY: I’m your boss Garrett. Get back here now.

(Chris looks at Stubby, thinking that he was still unconscious. He sees that he is. Then he notices Miguel’s lips moving.)

GARRETT: You’re not my boss anymore! I don’t have to listen to you!

MIGUEL: Well, I tried guys. I wonder if he’s just saying that. Is he working for Eric, or did I just blow his cover?

LARRY: If it gets him away from the “purge” controls, I’ll be happy either way.

CHRIS: If I knew what the “purge” controls were, I might agree with you.

DENTRE: If we were going to blow his cover, I think that when you pointed him out in front of the COBALT troops, they would have reacted.

CHRIS: Maybe.

(Chris turns to the screen to try to read Garrett’s thoughts by observing his manner.)

CHRIS: Having Nathan’s old ability about now would be so useful. Hey, Garrett, I need you to come back here.

GARRETT: Um, I really don’t have to. And I would appreciate it if you prisoners would stop talking to me like that.

CHRIS: Garrett, do you remember July 2004.

NATHAN: I do. We cashed out my Kmart stocks and took the money to LoseStar, and lost everything. Of course, Kmart lost everything the next day, so that might be ok.

CHRIS: Garrett?

(Garrett sighs.)

GARRETT: You tipped me $327 dollars, and said, “If I’m ever held hostage in a C-130, and I ask you to come talk to me, you have to come talk to me.”

CHRIS: Exactly.

GARRETT: I’ll be right there.

(They see Garrett get up and walk out of the cockpit. They see him coming toward the van.)

LARRY: How did you know that you would one day need him to come talk to you in a C-130?

NATHAN: He didn’t. He gets all hopped up on that free Dr. Pepper at the casino, and he starts tipping Garrett for pretty much any random thing that he thinks of.

CHRIS: Yeah, I bet he thought he was taking advantage of me too. Here he is now. Maybe we can get some answers.

NATHAN: Always the optimist.

(End Episode Thirty-Five)

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