I Guess I’ll try to talk about Amazon (Part One) – Poop Jokes

by Chris McGinty

I have a problem with Amazon, but it’s not what you might think. I have those problems with Amazon as well, but we’ll get to that later. I don’t have an Amazon account, and it may stay that way for a while. I’m not saying that Amazon has never profited off of me directly or indirectly, but since I don’t have an account it’s been very little. My problem is that I haven’t bought into the online shopping culture as deeply as some. My dad buys online more than I do. In my defense, I accepted smart phones earlier than he did.

I’m somewhat naturally suspicious of any company that gets too big, and Amazon has been exactly that for a while. I remember having a conversation once about why I was so obstinate since I wouldn’t buy Apple products. It goes back to the days of being a Commodore 64 user, but as far as modern day reasons it’s simply this – there needs to be healthy competition in technology circles or we’ll be given shit service.

Speaking of shit service, Amazon. Maybe their customer service is good, but there have been recent reports that their treatment of employees is lacking. There are reports of drivers not being willing to stop for bathroom breaks for fear of losing their job. This is not to say that they don’t take a bathroom break. It’s just to say they don’t stop at a gas station like normal, not scared to lose their job, human beings.

No one will believe that this already existed, right? Even if I were to claim that I got it from a TMZ article, they would be like, “Nah, Chris that’s a little too on the nose,” and then they’d say something about brown nosing and laugh so hard at their own joke that I would have no further chance to convince them that I didn’t make this picture. Sorry, TMZ. I’m pretty much obligated at this point to take credit for this picture.

It’s upsetting though. Amazon has generally been good about paying their employees well, including some reasonably good benefits. If someone wanted to argue in favour of Amazon, they would simply have to point out that the reason these people are so afraid to lose their jobs is because they wouldn’t make as much at another job. Amazon simply wants to make sure that they’re getting their money’s worth out of each of their employees. If they make twice as much as they would at another job then maybe they should be willing to work twice as hard.

On the other hand, the hand the Amazon driver isn’t using to wipe with, if I was arguing against Amazon I would simply point out that no one would be trying to unionize if Amazon wasn’t trying to go full Foxconn City, China on their employees. You never go full Foxconn. In the world of the true free market, Amazon should have been listening to the complaints of their employees and making things better, not making them feel trapped.

I don’t see what the big deal is, Chris. I’ve been in ice cream trucks for years before Amazon workers weren’t allowed to stop for bathroom breaks. After all, I’m allegedly supposed to be chocolate ice cream.

My personality type doesn’t really allow for me to become trapped in a shit job. I’m not saying that I’m superior or even inferior to anyone else. I’m just saying that I have a different outlook on things. You would have to be paying me a lot more money than Amazon pays for me to put up with abuse. Even then, I’m not sure it would ever be worth it to me. We’ll talk about that in Part Three though.

My purpose here was just to make everyone aware that I was aware of Amazon’s recent issues that everyone has become aware of… uh, where was I going with this? The truth is that aside from my normal skepticism about any company that gotten too big; I really didn’t have a problem with Amazon. I would sometimes listen to interviews with Jeff Bezos… then again, I also listen to old Steve Jobs interviews and Bill Gates interviews, so maybe that’s not an endorsement. I did write a blog post at the start of this year though that I hadn’t posted yet, and I’m going to rewrite it a little bit and make it Part Two. I’ve just never bought into the idea that Amazon is evil for making money during the pandemic, or for not paying any taxes. That seems to me to be a problem with our government, not Amazon’s team of CPAs. Don’t get me wrong. I’m for certain loopholes being closed and Amazon paying some taxes, but we’ll talk about that in Part Two.

Chris McGinty is a blogger who ain’t pooping in a bag near boxes containing food, electronics, and sex dolls. Listen, I’ve never worked for Amazon, so I kind of have to make presumptions about what they ship. I mean, none of this really matters, right? Pretty soon there won’t be human drivers. It’ll all be autonomous vehicles and drones that will probably shit on your car, because they’re not allowed to land for bathroom breaks.

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