A “What If…” Question about a Magical Money Printer

I’m once again attempting to seriously and philosophically answer what may be a ridiculous question. You see there’s this app called “What If…” and one time it asked a question that shaped the future of my entire life, so I decided to keep writing blog posts answering the questions (you can get to them from this link hub) to see if I would have another life changing epiphany. So what’s the question today:

What if…

you got a magic printer which could print real money.


you need to wear a kilt and no underwear for the rest of your life.

Yes or no?

So much for a life changing epiphany…

Where to start. This is one of those questions that come up [from time to time] on “What if…” where the second part of the question doesn’t seem related to the first part of the question. For Angus MacBagpipeplayer the answer is, “Just tell me where to plug it in.” The presumed downside is probably not really a downside for most people.

Now, if you know me at all I’m definitely going with no. I’m more of a wearing black jeans kind of guy and while I’m sure there are kilts in black denim… hmm. Are there? Maybe I should think about this one before I get all “I don’t like money that much” about it.

I’ve found future me and I’m fucking hot… and rich.

Ok, so I’m definitely going with yes. There ain’t a damn thing that’s going to deter my determination I said determined. But before I click yes, let me look at the comments for a moment. Oh no. Someone has made a good point. Printing a bunch of money could destroy the economy and money would be worthless. The printer wouldn’t be able to print money fast enough for me to afford a black denim kilt in that hellscape. And speaking of hellscape, I wouldn’t be able to wear underwear even if I could afford them, and I definitely couldn’t afford to be manscaped. Definitely no. This was a bad idea from the get go.

When we created this app, we never really expected it to always be about Chris’s genitals.

Then again… the person in the comments section is making an erroneous presumption. That presumption is that anyone who had a magic printer that printed real money would print enough to destroy the economy. I mean it could happen if me and the entire MacBagpipeplayer clan had access to these printers at the same time, but if it’s just me I’m really not going to print very much. I’m not greedy, so definitely yes. Final answer.

Wait… “…for the rest of your life.” Do I get to actually take off the kilt for things like showering? I mean, I’m starting to imagine a life of easy access to my genitals for anyone who would want such access being thwarted by the fact that the kilt won’t come off like some sort of smelly chastity belt that no one would want to get near.

Again, why do he always gotta make it about his genitals?

You know what? I think that I’ve done alright in life so far. Sure, I’d like to make more money. We all would. But I think I can make more doing legitimate work than I would ever print using the printer. Maybe there really are no shortcuts.

By the way, 54% of the people answered no. They probably realized that with the cost of printer ink they would actually be losing money.

Chris McGinty is a blogger who has never worn a kilt. He’s worn dresses, so it’s not about that. I mean, where do you even buy a kilt? I’ve never driven past a Scottish Big n Tall; and being culturally unaware, I’m going to presume that would be the only place you could find one. In fact, is it actually the Scottish who wear kilts and play bagpipes? Maybe I should have looked that up. If they aren’t please disregard everything I’ve written.

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