by Chris McGinty and ChatGPT
When ChatGPT was first publically rolled out, I actually got into it maybe three days later. I was like, “Maybe this is the thing where I finally kind of get in on the ground floor.” I was doing an e-zine when I should have been blogging. We weren’t doing sketch comedy when YouTube first hit. I had no programming skills when people were homebrewing apps. Maybe AI was my big moment.
Spoiler alert. I don’t think it was. The problem is that I really couldn’t figure out what to do with it. There were a lot of people on YouTube who figured out what to do with it. Make videos on “7 Ways You Can Earn $53,440 a Year Using AI.” Something about giving a specific amount when asking for money to buy coffee… I have no idea if these videos were actually useful, but it felt like they just had to make up jobs that sounded somewhat viable and if some people made $22,886 a year instead, so be it.
I just want to tell this as an anecdote, because this is more of a chill, pointless post before work. I have no real point to get across. I was getting really frustrated with ChatGPT recently. It was going so freaking slow. I was having flashbacks to 1996 sitting at a friend’s apartment listening to Falco and reading a book while I waited for webpages to load on AOL. Actually, most of that is fine with me. Falco was still alive and the webpages did eventually load. Anyway, I don’t know why, but after a couple of days of experiencing these slow downs on ChatGPT it occurred to me that I had been using the same conversation for a couple of months now. Since I haven’t been using ChatGPT much at all for a while now, I wasn’t starting new conversations. I started a new conversation and that was the whole problem. You can hire me as a ChatGPT troubleshooter. My yearly salary is $53,430. Check with the market value. You’re getting me at a discount.
I’ll verly likely write a full post on the debate about AI and plagiarism, so I won’t get into it here. I still maintain that I will not use AI to write anything for me. I’ll use it for brainstorming. In fact, I did exactly that this morning. If I ever post anything AI generated, I’ll give it credit the same way I would any other author. In fact, since this is a fun post, let’s turn it over to AI right now.
Me: Hello AI friend.
ChatGPT: Hello! How can I assist you today, my AI friend?
Me: I have the beginning of a blog post and I would like you to write the next to the last two paragraphs of it. Is that cool with you?
ChatGPT: Of course, I’d be happy to help you with your blog post. Please provide me with the beginning of the post and let me know the topic and any specific points you’d like to cover in the next to the last two paragraphs, and I’ll assist you in completing them.
Me: Please write the next two paragraphs of the following blog post. I need original material from you that doesn’t refer back to the previous paragraphs. Write a couple of funny parts in there, like you’re Dave Barry: [then I copy/pasted what I wrote already [NOTE: This was my third attempt to get it to write the next paragraphs. It kept wanting to summarize what I already wrote. It kind of did that here too. Oh well, some of it is actually sort of funny, so we’ll go with it [OTHER NOTE: ChatGPT has never asked me if i was also AI before today. The end is truly near.].].]
ChatGPT: So, there I was, contemplating the mysteries of ChatGPT, feeling as though I’d stumbled into a technological rabbit hole. It’s like being handed the keys to a spaceship and then realizing you have no idea how to fly it, but hey, at least you look cool in the captain’s chair. I mean, who needs a road map to success when you have a virtual AI co-pilot, right? It’s like asking your GPS for directions and it responds with, “Just go left until you reach the land of milk and honey.” Thanks, AI, that’s incredibly helpful.
But let’s not dwell on my AI-induced identity crisis for too long. Instead, let’s talk about the legendary ChatGPT slowdowns. I’m telling you, it got slower than a snail with a backpack full of rocks trying to climb a mountain. Picture this: it’s 2023, and I’m waiting for ChatGPT’s responses like it’s 1996, and I’m waiting for AOL to connect to the internet. Back then, my friend’s apartment was my digital sanctuary, complete with the soothing sounds of Falco serenading us. I even managed to finish a whole book while those webpages loaded. And you know what? I didn’t mind it one bit. Falco was still kickin’, and patience was practically an Olympic sport. So, if slow AI responses ever become a trend, I’m ready. In the meantime, if you need a ChatGPT troubleshooter, I’m your guy, offering my services at the unbeatable rate of $53,430 a year. Hurry before the market value catches up!
Now, you might be wondering why I’m not jumping on the AI-writing bandwagon like others, cranking out content with reckless abandon. Well, that’s a debate for another day. My stance remains firm: AI is my brainstorming buddy, not my ghostwriter. Besides, I’ve got to keep the balance in the universe. If I ever decide to share AI-generated content, rest assured, I’ll give credit where credit is due, just like any other author. And hey, since we’re all in on the fun, let’s see what AI has to say next!
So there you go. I thought I’d have a little fun today. I thought so, anyway. I’m going to go take food to people and make the world a better place through dinner without a messy kitchen.
Me: Can you write a funny blurb starting with the phrase: “Chris McGinty is a blogger who” The blurb should be fewer than 100 words and funny.
ChatGPT: Chris McGinty is a blogger who accidentally invented a new Olympic sport: procrastination marathon. He trains rigorously by binge-watching Netflix series, conducting extensive research on the perfect snack-to-keyboard ratio, and mastering the art of “just one more YouTube video.” Rumor has it that if procrastination were an Olympic event, he’d be a gold medalist. But don’t ask him about it now; he’s in the middle of a crucial 24-hour “Napathlon” training session.