by Chris McGinty
The day Jesus Christ came back was not as significant as it should have been. It was met with skepticism from all sides. The atheists obviously didn’t believe it was him. The surprising part was the Christians didn’t believe it either. As it turned out, Jesus looked a little bit like a darker skinned Chris Pratt, so they believed the coverage to be the new moon landing. Woke Hollywood simply wished to poke fun at their beliefs, the same way they waged their war on Christmas each year. Chris Pratt swore it wasn’t him, and he seemed to have an alibi so that the second coming couldn’t have been done live. No one believed the alibi.
When God himself made an appearance next, it was met with the same skepticism. Those who witnessed it first hand were unable to discuss it, because a human could not look at the true face of God and stay sane. The found footage should have been quite convincing, but the atheists of course didn’t believe it was God. The Christians were once again the surprising factor. They believed that the footage was also a ploy by woke Hollywood. They clearly used AI to create what it thought God would look like. Hollywood officially denied anything of the sort. They said that there were talks of having a female person of colour direct the dramatization of the events.
When Satan showed up, truly attempting to even the playing field claiming that a victory where man fooled himself would not be as glorious as one where he was the deceiver. It was important in so many ways that the world understand that Christ had risen again, God had shown his face to humanity, and that he was not the work of Industrial Light & Magic. The atheists didn’t believe in Satan either and the Christians saw this as the last straw. They staged massive protests against Hollywood, and carried out boycotts that were surprisingly effective. It was only through the insane amount of money and access to capital that Hollywood stayed afloat, and almost everything was bet on the movie about the events that should have captivated the world, but were met with apathetic disbelief.
The night of the premiere was the night the rapture started. It didn’t go well for anyone.
Chris McGinty is a short fiction writer who got this idea while falling asleep. It was one of those ideas that popped into his head as a clear concept without vagaries. This is good, because then he fell asleep. That’s exactly how you lose ideas.