My Week Off from the Daily Blog – Day Eh, Whatever

by Chris McGinty

I stopped writing these. There was really no good reason I stopped since I ended up working the whole weekend. I think my biggest issue was that fifth day there was hardly anything to talk about and the sixth day was worse. Don’t get me wrong, it’s better that nothing interesting go on in your life than for interesting bad things to happen.

I thought during the week that on Saturday and Sunday I could write a follow up dealing with some of the stuff that happened this week, but Nathan posted something Tuesday, so I realized I could get away with one wrap up post.

I did start the systematic injury program at the dentist on Monday, and it was not too pleasant for the next couple of days. The procedure was pretty painless though, so I’m ok with that. The truth is though it’s good that I did almost a week worth of writing prior to this week, because I was not myself for the first couple of days after getting six teeth pulled.

I’ve worked three different posts this week somehow, and still got two days off. I think that’s all right.

I’ll take this moment to write some thoughts down about Nathan’s Kpart Six and Kpart Seven. The part about not selling bullets to a customer in the store who has a gun amuses me. I think in “The Terminator” he does that to rob the guns. You know, loading the gun and shooting the guy who is trying to sell him the weapons. But the mistake there wasn’t selling bullets to somebody who came in with a gun. It was handing both a gun and bullets to somebody who came in without one. The policy suggests that the old lady from Nathan’s reminiscence will then take the bullets, put them in her gun, and go rob the KCafe of their $5 worth of sales for the day. And when you think of it that way, certainly you shouldn’t sell her those bullets. Except that she could just as easily leave the gun in the car, buy the bullets, load up on guns, bring your friends, and then rob the KCafe. So the policy is dumb, because it only delays somebody long enough to realize that the snack bar where they sell the ICEEs will have more money.

I think the best part of the whole big heist story is… well I want you to imagine a movie (yes, this is my re-imagining of Nathan and Wade’s Excellent Heist.)

[So far in the movie we’ve seen an hour and a half of Nathan and Wade in The Vortex Room trying to get their loot. In order to accomplish this, we’ve stolen every screenshot Tim Burton ever used and mixed it with the style of Jurassic Park. It’s been really exciting.]

INT – KMART – Nathan and Wade walk with the two shopping carts overfilled with the merchandize stashed away months ago. They leave a trail of cooler sweat and probably human fluids. Co-workers make all sorts of accusations, knowing full well that the 53 inch plasma TV with HD was not on the electronics floor when the sale day started. And that it’s an anachronism. And that it shouldn’t have worked when they tested it after coming out of The Vortex Room, although the commercials it played helped pay for the movie. The camera shows quick shots of Nathan and Wade looking at each other, beat down, wondering if it was all worth it. They approach the checkout.

CHECKOUT LADY (handling wet merchandise, disgusted): I know you two have pulled something.

NATHAN: I assure you, Beatrice, that we found all this stuff officially on the sales floor.

BEATRICE: Is that so. Because I think you hid things in The Vortex Rooom.

(Music starts to build slowly Camera cuts quickly between the three of them and other workers and customers who because of the madness of “99% Off Day” look like they’re from “Mad Max”.)

WADE (shame on his face): We wouldn’t lie to you, Beatrice.

BEATRICE: Then explain this.

(Beatrice rolls over the two bowling balls, adjusted, and engraved with the names Nathan and Wade. Crazy quick cuts as the music reaches a horribly loud climax of aboriginal music.)

Nathan (whispering): No….

(Music stops suddenly as Nathan and Wade run from the store with their two baskets of merchandise, stones, spears, and flaming arrows randomly landing to each side of them.)

That part just amused me because of the audacity it took. Ok, that’s all I have, and I’m finishing this up on Monday morning to post up for Sunday, so I’ll just stop now.

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