by Chris McGinty
This winter. If you only… [you have to imagine this as movie trailer voice] This winter. If you only drive down one road. Be sure it’s not “The Freezing Zone.” Based on the self-published novel by knockoff author Steven Keeng and starring Thom Hancks, Nichole Kiddmen, Jacques Nickelsen, and Bruce Dickinson, yes, the Bruce Dickinson, in this wild ride that lasts for a whole two blocks where for some reason the rest of the roads are cold and wet, but this one road thinks it’s Frozen 3 times over. Buckle up. Streaming now on [fill in streaming service when one is secured] and showing at the Western Hills High School halftime show this Friday, pending the game not being cancelled. This film has not yet been rated… or reviewed, thank god.